side effect

I read fear
when the potential ailments including vomiting, nausea, and fever
but fear seems accurate
for how many moments
I kept what was on track
and provided health insurance
so I didn't have to worry about vomiting, nausea, and fever
but instead was left with fear
worrying about what I had left behind.

Fear is the root of embarrassment.
I don't do what makes me embarrassed,
or what can't be edited.
If it's temporary, no one can look,
unless
I vet and fret and make it so.

Fear makes you flawed.

Punctual Psychology

It's cool today, and humid.
I've become attached to commas and dashes.
Like I need to hold this all together
the self I was before
and what I seem to be now
with the adornments of someone I once wanted to be.
You should see my bookshelves lining the wall.
Wait until you feel how heavy my desk is.

men/women/black/white

made sure to stop and get windshield wipers today

after last night

my husband's irritability increased

by the sound 

(not sure how to reproduce that awful noise)

the old windshield wipers made

in the little bit of rain

and the woman at the counter

first, after a collegial chat with her coworker

him discussing his exorbitant ticket

for texting and driving

continuing the conversation about cops

and she said

they're not here to protect and serve anymore

and I sheepishly brought my white body 

up to the counter

there not being a good way to show my solidarity

she asks to check if I got the right size

of course, I said, not wanting a windshield wiper

oversized and sticking off the edge

and she said

men never want to double check or ask for help

giving a knowing smile

but then I didn't want anyone to help me 

drove home, no rain

and I stood outside for fifteen minutes

fingers freezing

wishing my husband was home

to change the damn windshield wipers

leave it to me

I'm overthinking my health
constant refresh of webMD
and tricking myself into loving green tea

I got a cat
they say it helps with stress
playing piano to improve my memory
yoga for my weak knees
not much helps with the worry

warm

the rickety heater
fire hazard, undoubtedly
sister kristen's slippers
her favorite lime green
grandpa's sweater
blocky 80's pattern
the kettle doesn't whistle
lipton tea bags
like aunt marie always had

driving through ohio

did you know 

that people in the suburbs

don't park their cars in the yard

doesn't make any sense

where do you keep these things

old trucks

sixteen-wheelers resting for the night

extended family over for a cookout

and when driving by

you see the pride

porches being fixed

trailers repainted

with afternoon sunlight

walking home from church

i wanted you to bring me a sandwich
but i didn't say so
there are a lot of things i don't say these days

i walked on my heels through a puddle
avoid the tear in the seam
of my boots i bought for myself last year
and then my purple umbrella
flipped inside out

one of those days, i guess?