dream

unaware
i realize
that you've been here
before
with me
of all things
you twist
into fantasy
of life
seen before
with me
i make it my own
and miss the pure innocence
of you

numb

weary

when for it to end

why

nomalacy is wanted

peace is wanted

you should leave

pain

darting

quickly darting
i see your face
fade to black

quickly darting
i smell the race
fade to black

not real
not true

blinding insignificance of
miserable lines
of nothing
that count
for naught

it is anguish

quickly

an insight

the buildup
generally does not warrant the release
what is agonized over

doesn't happen

and i still miss you
want is there

but i know
the climax

will not be as i wish
yet a fade

into not
hin


g

here i am again

circles around
believing that i am running a race
but am i really just jogging still

what i want so badly is hidden
and not to be given to me
what a sad part to not have

why does conforming pose such a problem

i hear

in the instumental breaks
i can hear the sound
of whispers of night beyond this

ah..life

overexaggeration

tends to make it worse
as if you didn't know

problems don't exist
except for in your head

belonging to the abyss
of subconsciousness

just don't ignore
the disasters

wherin lies this

content?
is that what happens without worry

worry provides suspense and drama

which proves a bigger release.

i choose worry

over a life of leisure
and no purpose

worry

and perhaps hope

the importance of being alone

how much we want to be with people
is rivaled only

by how much we want to be with ourselves

to ignore what is happening

and understand that someone else can't change

you

or me
or myself

to give time for thought
and contemplation

and to fuse with solitude

you begin to understand more about
others

just to hear

i feed it into my ears
to my head

just to feel again

you have done it to

and closed your eyes and just breathed

and wanted to stay like that
forever

reality is not that place to be


unless you can find that place in someone else

which we are all trying to do

to hear someone else

to feed it to our ears
and just to hear the love

knowing where you'll be

simple joys

are here again

only to be banished

by the demons in the night

soon you will see what i see and

why it always tries to overtake what i

say and what i do in the deep

of the night i realize what

i truly feel in life not

just the shallow

nothing

the bellycrawlers

i read what you see
and disagree withing my bloated mind

the false happiness elightens me
into a state of notcaring

running around
i scream
trying to block the thoughts from my mind

why can't it be like life
why can't it work out
why is it happening to me


just like everyone else

pshaw

i am above
soaring free
without you
without me

with a slight smile
i greet you
and just am
in the blue

listening to the world
and their songs
and believing
in a new hope


that is you

until

just a quick snatch
i long for some justification
that somewhat of what i do is real

and belongs

i pretend for the new world

sailing away into the sun
blinding away reality


and truth
with a backwards glance

ponderings

without being tracked...i am
without being known...i am

only a chance to stumble
to tell what's within


no trace of what i left behind
except for the whisperings of you

no great legacy is mine to behold
except for the whisperings of you


i am not held among the greats
nor will i ever be

you are not mine to take
nor will you ever be



yet i frolic on in the name of life
still happy in the sense of the word


yet not complete

in a large but small way

the failures of life mingle in the pond of death. and that is why i write.


why i type.


why i still care about you.

you don't know it, but this is all for you.

in your oblivious state. i write. aboutwhatmatters.



i




feel

the poundinginmyhead

i will collapse
the weight is pressing down upon me

through eternity




pressure allows thought to fly free
squeezed though subconscious

into blue

obsession

i am obsessed
over you

over me

over us
and what could have not been

what sadness overtakes my soul

as i peer into your eyes
i know anything else is a substitute


and i weep

amazingly enough

how can you fly through life without a care?

how can you not feel
listen to the music
stop being shallow

peck away

where is your heart?
why don't you hear?

as you tell me you know
i disagree

content-ish?

so what is happy?
can anyone tell me?

different for all
same for us

state of being,state of mind....life in general
is '

joy

';

with sorrow

care not say i

really, you don't care. honest. you say good job, i love you...

so on

and so forth.

but



really the being is wrong

secrets

why can't someone care?
or know?


i'm sure they do

but they won't tell me! ahhahahahahahaha

the swirls of color overtake me into black
yet the worldrevolves

i don't care! don't read this. choke on your sunflower seeds like i am. this is for me not you. therefore i don't care what you think, or at least i will pretend not too. i'm not telling about this, so chances are i will read it and remember. you will not know.

in the still small darkness
melodies



emerge
unbrokenunblemishedharmonized

for me
the pity weeps