smudged

I didn't feel old
until
I saw the lipstick
stains on my
blue toothbrush
but even then
how much of that
is simply
a sophisticated game
of dress-up

all-knowing; all-loving; all-powerful

here I am
wearing my sweatshop clothes
crying Lord, Lord
forgive me
for my iniquities
for my late penalties
deliver me
from this world so corrupt
that I've embraced
because I love dishwashers
and a clean face
but why! and how?
could You create
a system rotted to the
roots
the children hungry
forcing down sickly sweet fruit loops
and then they tell me
that You're doing all You can
You're just missing hands
and that I understand
because I'm trying
Lord, I'm trying
and if You are love
You wouldn't let this happen
without a fight
forgive me
My Lord and my God
I'm doing what I can
use my bruises
and tomorrow
I'll be into something new
less beef
more relief
please be there too

belief

breaking down these locks
and I'm jealous of how
you just walk
right through closed doors
and I hate that
because you see me at my worst
but you're always around for my best
telling me
to look around
feel the marks of suffering
compare scars
don't be afraid
you're bringing some serious peace
to my huddled group
right in the middle of our pettiness
prying my clenched fist
apart again and again
breathing life
you invite me to inhale with you
cut the chains
I'm working on it

Not very good thoughts, but important ones nonetheless.

We didn't make it far
but at the same time
you're clearly here with now
and I can't help but wonder
as you sit in my kitchen
with another old friend
coloring eggs like we did before
after a day full of anticipation.

And maybe it was that,
along with sandal-weather
that gets right up under your skin
and that constant companion
worry about being left behind
that has me electric.

But I'm the one prancing ahead
dancing to the songs streaming
right through my ears and my rattling brain
thinking about an array of friends
both old and young and new
and well-worn like a good plaid.

It's so nice to stay outside
to breathe the openness
to consider what tomorrow will look like
to wear a belted dress
and we'll talk about God all you want
the smell of hyacinths and daffodils lingering.

one dream

i'm going to be me
I'm going to be carefree
as beautiful and as humble as a queen bee
rather unrelentingly
and as the sky parts from the red sea
the world is going to open to me
full of squid feet and possibility
from the strong and from the weak
i'm going to be free
feel the beat
singing wildly from the tree
from its roots straight to its leaves
i'm going to dance recklessly
i can see
open fields above my bruised knee
all things that are lovely
and it's so unlikely
that i can hardly breathe