christmas eve eve

the roads are worst
right as the temperature hits below freezing
one tight long sheet of ice

my head cradled sideways in the seatbelt
watching pricks of freezing rain attach to the windshield
cringing every time the wipers are released
the thin screech of exposed metal on glass
time stalls

just waiting for the precipitation to freeze
all for a snowy christmas
or to get home again
although home is more likely to be found out here
knowing i belong to a place i haven't arrived at yet

headlights reflected in the side mirrors
blinding and frustratingly persistent
i tilt my seat back and close my eyes

over and gone or settle down

prelude:
quiet, old heart
those days are long
stretched thing

settle, mind
the sharpest memories
can prick when you stir them up

verse one:
i can't say it anymore
"everything happens for a reason"
it hasn't taken me long
barely a quarter of a life
(if that)
but i can't see this making sense
even in a great scheme
the wide tapestry stretching across the sky
cannot have so many snags
all of my misplaced stitches

chorus:
sitting on that old piano bench
i came home
no need for words
looking into familiar patterns in
stained glass
casting cares like the lilies

verse two:
a long line of moments
where all i wanted was to be smaller
papers shuffled, looking busy
waiting for someone to arrive
twitching fingers
tapping nervously on coffee cups

chorus:
no worries
i came home

coda:
quiet, you
don't wait
let it out
then let it lie

portland, oregon

a chance to wear my galoshes, daily
i will let my hair get long and ragged
a closet full of dresses

i want time to go to an art gallery
pausing in the silences
before each color
closing my eyes
and drawing in the smell
of rusty people

i have green eyes, mostly
and i want time to stretch
fabrics sliding over my skin
smelling coffee and roses

laying down the knotted hardwood floors
patches of sunlight in my mind