you can't spell alone without one

after the show
i'm uncomfortable
perfecting the awkward fidget

pacing, waiting for you to be done
listening for the flush
sounds of you washing up
counting tiles
retying my shoes

i don't like being alone
but if you were gone i could just leave
instead of waiting for your coffee addiction

for a moment in the middle of the set
when the chorus hit its stride
watching the bassist sing the words of his dead friend
(too soon, too soon)
i lost this anxiety
tapping my foot in time to the buzzed,
swaying bodies around me
because i felt part of the collective crowd
if only because i could hear the palpable loneliness
alone as one in the room
content with the contents of our minds

tapping, waiting
frustrated i've lost that melody already
about to go home, take off my shoes
discuss the evening with you
pretending like always
we actually understand one another

aging is gravity

for years

that's been the family vehicle

the only one where everyone fit

it was used when we got it

but still surprising

glancing up

when the ceiling fabric's sagging

pockets of air

blowing

dragging down

like we all do with age

skin that no longer holds tight

hands that simply let go

escape

cracking the pane
letting a gulp of cold air in

i jump out the window
dashing through the yard
over the rusty clothes line
leaving slush footprints behind
muddy boots, thoughts
reaching for the road

more side roads,
less highways

shedding the bulky knit mittens
fingers wiggling in the wind
coat, gone
breathing again

running
running
i'm gone

the neighbors shake heads
visible through their kitchen windows
spying on my sloppy trail
left so you could come too