neatly

being in school
should make you better at writing poetry
but it makes you worse

words are chores
to fold

neatly.

perfect ten

arriving at the gas station
the display reads 10.00 even
an impressive feat
or a familiar marker
from that time we were sixteen
and rode around in bright colored cars
decades old
cars that bled gas
and gas was cheap
if you weren't sixteen
we threw around the largest bills we could find
walking inside to buy gum
to put 10.00 even
on pump number five

he would drive me
regina spektor through open windows
we didn't have anywhere to go
we wanted to go everywhere
she always asked me for that extra cash
he never did
just put his arm around me
on the sandy ground by the river

i put my oh so adult
and expensively adorned left hand in my pocket
keying in my hometown zipcode
knowing those five digits won't last much longer
watching the numbers fly up
leaving a perfect 10.00
for the next car to pull in

lavender blue

winter is coming
winter is coming

the sticky fingers of pines
grab the air
the light that is fast disappearing
it is pale
it is cool

benediction

under the crickets and orange night
my shadow stretches long and wide
feeling glad and full
the skies open up deep
rain on my footsteps
finding my way in places


prayers drift out after me
somber alleluias

quiet amens
and i close my door
shedding piety to become human again

go in peace
to love and serve
the God who is ribcage cracking
the communion of blood and saints
the virility of Christ
now stretching into always


to love the One
who breathes through spaces too big
who fills night
with light and darkness just the same
my body
my blood

while everyone else is at the party

and i am tired
waiting on the couch for you to come home
remembering as i always do
how it would be nicer to have some good fiction around
something to keep me preoccupied
to keep quiet evenings

and for you to come home
because i don't want to be with everyone else
just you
if you could read a book with me
or just sit on the couch
we could light a candle or two
put on some music we don't know

i've been waiting since before i met you
because i've always thought of home
as this place where all that i've collected
meets those i love
salvaged years of bad poetry
away from the noise
in the silence of my room
i am firm and forbearing

(re)awakening

at once
glancing out of
worn tread time

finding again
a vast internal expanse


forgiveness is being yourself
full of grace
beautiful

it's emptying
eyes open
remembered music and words
so familiar again

at last

anointed

filing forward
for a bit of
smudged oil

it's sacrilege to say it
but it's a buzz
like your hand on my thigh
after a few beers

being touched
so intimately
being marked
being seen

gifts

gumball machine, now half empty
teapot
lights, colorful
electric kettle
couch
rug
chair #1
chair #2
chair #3
magnet, of my brother's golf picture
blanket, homemade
pillows more stolen than gifted
printer
"mighty orca"
solitary wine glass
box full of trinkets
autographed baseball
blue headphones

generosity abounds
and I am full.

23

the way i see it
you can go one of two ways
and i'm watching some of my friends flee
to big sky

able
to leave it all behind
freedom of words
eyes open

or
to root

to ask questions
of the place you're in
and it's all about noticing
the loneliness of a bus driver
who notices back
a conversation balanced
on cottonwood
in the air

puppy

you see,
i was a puppy once.

oh, i followed him around
hoping for a chance to ride in his truck
to stick my head out the window
hoping he would just want to go on adventures
and play

but then
he scolded me
and told me,
"no more!"

and i slunk off
tail between my legs
and decided to grow up

because if you don't have fun,
i thought,
you can't get hurt.

but i was a puppy once, too.

slow

this time is different

because i have remembered
how to be happy
exactly here

and i remembered
the luxury of ordering takeout
and sleeping in pretty things

i am slow to get out of bed
not because the day holds nothing for me
but because i enjoy
the feeling
of being where i am

friendship

i don't know why
i care about my aloe plant so much.

i just can't seem to figure it out
first it droops
then i water it too much
then too little
then i accidentally left it on the heater
and part of it got a little shriveled up
and i felt so sad.

but some days
my green friend
stands up straight and tall,
so i salute.

i smile to think
that together
we might actually make
a pretty good team.

nosebleed

anger is like an itch
you can't scratch
because your arms are too short
and like everything else
it's too far away
to do anything good about it

and i've been so dry.

every morning i wake up
fighting a nosebleed
i'm emptying
from the inside out


and i've been so dry.
and all i want
is to be all and in all
and not just leave
my bloody self behind
bit by bit

and i've been so dry.

nonsense

i think maybe
i'll have short hair
and wear pearls
when i get a little older
and i get my feet under me
when i have some idea
of how to keep
everything in its place
and people will look at me
and say
oh yes
we can trust that woman
they will not even know
how unruly
i was in my youth
how many years it took me
to get everything
in its place
oh yes
the pearls will say it all

sabbath

i think sabbath
must be like chasing
an old friend
a great, playful golden retriever
in circles around the house
without paying attention
to getting anywhere

you look good in stripes

i'm sorry i've laughed at you so much lately
just do your best
to take it kindly

how am i supposed to react
when your sleepy self
is interrupted only
by the sounds of your own snores?

know that i enjoy you

that i love how you make that same face
each time you take a drink of a local beer
or eat really good homemade dessert
you usually say the same thing, too
(oh, that's good)

or how you love that shirt
so you bought another one
that i think looks just the same
i laugh, but
you look good in stripes

you delight me

especially when you have
a series of new puns
to make me giggle
even though i like to pretend i'm above that

you get flustered in the kitchen
and sometimes i think
i should just get out of your way
but it's so fun
to watch you accommodate
my own quirks

i smiled at you in the kitchen
just the other day
but you didn't notice

so just so you know
you look good in stripes

edge

i thought it was the edge
of where i was willing to go
and leaving behind what i knew
that was the source of my anxiety
the stress of a place
where something becomes nothing

but it was the edge in your voice
that crept in
without me really noticing
that really makes me nervous