14 again

i can't help
but listen to the same song on repeat
over and over

it's silly,
but it's beautiful

because that's when i think about
the way he
waits
and how everything he creates
is honest
authentic

and it's a thin thread
from me to him
and i can't pause the song
as much as i can't
pick up the phone
and make that call
or make a move
or any of that
would make this
honest

because
honestly, honesty
would mean it's nothing

i'm not going to make that happen