prayer

I.
dear jesus
these people are shuffling around
receiving pious marks
i don't know how you put up with church people
God
i don't want any of that
i'm closing my eyes
which appears to be the cool thing to do when you pray
but because i want this to go through
i want heat in my hands
i want to hold the joints
of my new friend
who was so kind
and is sitting next to me now
(it's so nice to have friends)
and why does she have to have chronic pain
i see you in her
you're the fire
God, be the fire

II.
dear jesus
you know how guitar music reminds me of you
and now i want to ask you into my heart again
even though i haven't done that in a while
and i don't think i believe that exactly anymore
it seems a little grotesque
please jesus
open the doors, or the eyes, or something of my heart
just do what you do
to wash away my sins
to wash away my knowledge of nietzsche
to strip away these inherited doubts
please lord jesus
let me close my eyes
and not remember that there's a suffering world
that makes thoughts of you difficult
jesus can we go back to when it was about the music?
this music is so good
it has to come from you
when i hear the beat of the drum
i know it's from you
let that be enough
less words, more music
let that be enough

III.
amen, lord God
fire of my eyes
and it was so